Don’t call us, we’ll call you

May 18, 2010

Play along at home . . . you be the “Marriage Ref”!

Filed under: Family, Motherhood, Personal — Tags: , , — llcall @ 6:47 pm

Has anyone seen that new NBC show called “The Marriage Ref”?  Supposedly, they give married couples “the one thing they’ve always wanted: a winner.”

In my post yesterday, I emphasized the term “real” when referring to the date we went on while Kirsten babysat.  This is because Neal and I disagree a little bit about what a date entails now that we have this little girl in our life.  (Come to think of it, we’ve probably always disagreed considering that I thought our first date was about 2 months earlier than he did, but that is a story for another day.)

Neal believes that he has taken me on a number of dates to art exhibits at the BYU fine arts center, on walks around the neighborhood, to get ice cream — all with Addison strapped to his chest.  He thinks it’s unreasonable for me not to consider these official dates since Addison hardly joins the conversation.

I, on the other hand, feel that if Addison is there, it’s never a date.  I’m always a little on edge, wondering if she’s going to get fussy, hungry, need a diaper change, etc.  Rather, I consider these to be family outings.  Also good, but in a different way.

So who’s right here?

And since this is my blog and I can state my case more compellingly if I want, can I just mention that I once had to take a 15-minute nursing break in the middle of said-date?!  And I once had to eat my ice cream in the back seat of the car while Neal drove us home because Addison was getting fussy!!

So give it to us straight . . . who’s the winner?  Neal or Lindsay?



  1. Neal’s right, and I’m not even saying that out of rote memorization. 🙂 She’s just a baby; those are dates.

    Comment by Elizabeth — May 18, 2010 @ 7:08 pm

    • You would say that! I should introduce you to Andrea that I mentioned yesterday…you, she, and Neal are like three pees in a very level-headed, unemotional pod.

      Comment by llcall — May 18, 2010 @ 7:10 pm

  2. Nope, you win. And I can say that with the authority of being a previous marriage prep and marriage enhancement instructor. 🙂 And as a mother of an 11-month old! If your husband brought a painting he was working on or a paper he was writing on an outing, how would that affect your interaction and feelings? Of course, he might not necessarily plan on working on it while you’re out, but if he suddenly thought of a good idea and wanted to get it down, how would that be? Does that comparison work at all? Dates are about (re)connection of a dyad, not a triad. Dallin H. Oaks tells us a date (versus hanging out) must be planned ahead, paid for, and PAIRED OFF. I know how you feel, because Ryan also does not see as much of a need to get out without Katie. I think one issue is that since Ry doesn’t get as much time with Katie, he doesn’t have the same need for couple time. Of course, what you’re doing is probably still meaningful somehow for your relationship, and if it’s all you can manage most the time, it’s better than nothing. But, there is an ideal to strive for!

    Comment by Vickie Blanchard — May 18, 2010 @ 7:57 pm

  3. My gut response is probably that I agree with you, dates with another person aren’t quite the same… although sometimes you just have to take what you can get.
    (PS: You probably meant to say ‘peas’ in your response – I think it changes the meaning quite a bit of what you wanted to say…) 🙂

    Comment by Sabrina — May 18, 2010 @ 7:57 pm

    • Haha…I did mean to say ‘peas.’ It’s probably just a testament to how much my life revolves around urine and diapers these days!

      Comment by llcall — May 18, 2010 @ 8:48 pm

  4. And I think that “just a baby” means a lot more when you are the one that is worrying about her!

    Comment by Sabrina — May 18, 2010 @ 7:59 pm

  5. Date: An engagement to go out socially with another person, often out of romantic interest. So there’s the official definition. But I don’t think it’s so black and white. Personally, I think you’re right, there are family outings and then there are dates(just the 2 of you). All very important! Tell him to think of it this way, would he consider it a date if she were old enough to want some of that ice cream? You could have dates for you(without baby) and dates for him(with or without baby). Neal dates and Lindsay dates 🙂

    Comment by Jolene — May 18, 2010 @ 8:51 pm

  6. You’re spoiling us with almost a post a day – LOVE IT! 😀

    Comment by Jolene — May 18, 2010 @ 8:52 pm

  7. Lindsay wins. Date means no kids allowed. Small children requires some dating creativity, but doesn’t mean you bring your kids along and still call it a date! And I like that Marriage Ref show!

    Comment by loralie — May 18, 2010 @ 9:15 pm

  8. Uh….what Vickie said! 😀

    Comment by Emily Tew — May 18, 2010 @ 9:20 pm

  9. So I’m not an expert but it seems to me that you should agree on a definition and boundaries for that definition so that you can mean the same things when you’re talking about what you need from each other. This is my language brain talking. If you’re not talking the same language, you need to interpret.

    Comment by Audrey — May 18, 2010 @ 11:49 pm

  10. When we had Gwen (our first), I would not have considered a event with her along a date–or a different category of date, at least. However, now that we have 3 kids, an opportunity to do something with Justin, even if Will is along, is DEFINITELY a date! It’s all about perspective. Even if we have the man cub with us, we can say more than half a sentence without having a preschooler inject themselves into the conversation. I don’t have to cut anyone else’s food. I am not watching for the safety of others as I cross the street. The children do not match or outnumber us. Despite my overwhelming love and devotion I have for all three of my children, only toting the infant along qualifies as a date.

    Comment by Aislin — May 19, 2010 @ 2:38 am

  11. I have a mixture of feelings on this topic. Unfortunately, I am not a black or white kind of personality, so I can’t give you a definitive. I think, to some degree, it depends on the age. I mean, Devin and I like to go out on a date EVERY week….even right after we had Camden. However, he was not bottle feeding (at some times), had jaundice, and we were just trying to get him to eat as much as possible. SO, he came along. Those, we still considered dates because we have our list of to-do’s and we needed to count it if we were going to check off that item. At his age now, however, I wouldn’t really call it a date (as he is more interactive and steals any and all attention), but more of a family outing. The difficult thing is, we can’t really find people to babysit all that often. There aren’t young women to ask, and I hate to ask others who have children to tie them down even further. Consequently, Camden still accompanies us on many a “date.” We are now planning on switching off with other families so we can get a REAL date on a REGULAR basis! So, I think you’re both right, but you’re more right than Neal…especially as Addison is growing up so quickly.

    Comment by Meg Romney — May 19, 2010 @ 6:12 am

  12. nope.
    If baby girl is with you, it is NOT, I repeat, NOT a date.
    Nuff said.

    Comment by kjell — May 19, 2010 @ 8:09 pm

  13. I’m totally with Aislin. Having three kids and a baby on the way, I’m looking forward to continuing our dates WITH the baby, as it’s still time away from the house and the rest of the kids. I think for about the first 6 months that’s just pretty much the way it is for us. . .but, after that, the baby is old enough to eat if you’re gone for very long, so you can go on dates without the baby! 🙂

    Comment by Liesl Johnson — May 19, 2010 @ 8:25 pm

  14. Okay, so I’m 2 years late to the party, but you totally won this round. If your baby’s there, it’s a family outing. A date is special one on one time away from other responsibilities. Going out with your baby can be really nice, but is it a date? Nope.

    Comment by Sarah @ — July 1, 2012 @ 4:00 pm

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