Don’t call us, we’ll call you

April 27, 2012

Whisper to shout

Filed under: Adoption, Motherhood, Personal — Tags: , , , , — llcall @ 6:52 pm

I love the final scene of The Shawshank Redemption.  Truly, I love many of its scenes (one of the instances where a movie is better than the book, though I also appreciate the Stephen King novella), but over the last several days I can hear Red’s closing lines in my head:

“I find I’m so excited I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head.  I think it’s the excitement only a free man can feel.  A free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain.  I hope I can make it across the border.  I hope to see my friend and shake his hand.  I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams.  I hope.”

I love that the very last thing you hear is an almost whispered I hope, in Morgan Freeman’s indelible voice.  That movie helped me to say I hope, during a time when I desperately needed it.

When I was writing part II of my new life story, it felt like that whispered I hope.  I was trying to say what I felt, it seemed important at this particular time, but it also felt terribly bare, vulnerable, heavy, even for an old guts-spiller like me.  And then Emily made that first comment and it felt lighter.  And in just under a half-hour, that somber whisper was replaced with a (Facebook) shout and can-barely-sit-still excitement, which is where I find myself still.  I’m excited.  Crazy excited.  But also, patient-excited.  I can tell that things are on the horizon that are going to be stretching, but joyous . . . but I recognize that they’re better left on the horizon for right now.

There’s a part III to this new story, but it’s still in bits and pieces floating around in my psyche.  But oh, how happy I feel this week!  So much happier than I did during those months of gridlock.  Acceptance is a remarkable thing; I wish I could make myself realize that sooner.

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3 Comments »

  1. Yah for Happiness! No matter how long it lasts, happiness is good – because if it fades a little, the memory is still good. I’m so excited for you guys. It’s such a wonderful feeling to Know what you want

    Comment by Enelo — April 27, 2012 @ 7:06 pm

  2. Wow—you got a lot going on, girl! I HOPE we can talk soon! Let’s try to figure out something for next week!

    Comment by v. blanchard — April 27, 2012 @ 11:21 pm

  3. We need to figure out a way to three way chat with you and me and Victoria. Recreate some of the good grad lab talks–I always felt like I probably should have been working instead of talking but looking back, I wish I had done more talking and less analyses 🙂
    I was driving to the store today and thinking about this post and kind of half composing one of my own (do you do that? I am terribly guilty of blogging in my head all day long) and realizing that I don’t know if I could ever post publicly some of the things that I want to. So bravo to you for being so open and vulnerable. I think I will take baby steps and maybe start posting more on my private blog–but even that is so scary! Anyways, you know we are all cheering you on 🙂

    Comment by kei02003 — April 28, 2012 @ 5:09 am


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