Don’t call us, we’ll call you

May 18, 2012

Friday already?

Filed under: Family, History, Personal, Therapy — Tags: , , , — llcall @ 11:38 pm

I almost can’t believe it. This week went by in a flash, perhaps because there was no schedule in sight!

Addison getting sick + Neal getting sick + work to be done at the “other house” that we’re still trying to fix up + a big training/application process going on for a part-time gig I’m applying for = lots of TV at our house. The upside of all that TV is two-fold:

  1. I realized Addison really doesn’t watch that much TV/movies regularly, something that I have always worried about and that Neal has assured me is not that big a deal.
  2. TV makes life with Addison sooo much easier! God bless the creators of Curious George and Peppa Pig and whatever else she was watching while I was trying to keep her from talking to me.

I don’t think we’re going to permanently add more TV to our daily life, but it sure is tempting!

***

On another note, my friend Victoria linked to this CJane post: “Concurrent Collisions.” It actually speaks quite perfectly to this place I find myself in right now. I am taking the process of writing my personal history quite seriously these days (too bad I don’t get paid for it like CJane does!). And one of the things I have had in the works for awhile (and mentioned a couple of times) is writing about therapy. The series, which I have already written quite a few posts for, started out about our most recent gig in couples counseling. Then I thought what I should really do is go back through each past therapy experience and record what is left of it — what stuck with me, and is still here, as a testament to how it reshaped my life. And then I realized that there’s this thing I would need to tell to put that first therapy experience in context. This thing that I have never told anyone besides that first therapist, except in tiny bits and pieces. I resolved to do it. I even decided how I would start it out. And then I got that pit in my stomach that CJane describes. I felt sick, as if I had already told the whole world about this thing that I have obviously avoided talking about for twenty-plus years. I honestly never thought that I was avoiding it so ferociously until I started to think-write about it and an intense, self-protective instinct was suddenly clear as day.

What I’m not sure of now, and I started to work out in Victoria’s comments section (oops!), is whether this pit is one that is meant to battled against or one that is meant to be accepted as a sign that some things are better left in the past. I often tell people that I was a completely different person pre-20 years old than I was after, but if I never tell this thing then no one will fully know what I mean. Maybe that’s okay? Maybe that’s fearful? I haven’t decided.

But one thing I have decided: more Pictures for the Weekend starting today! Stay tuned.

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3 Comments »

  1. That’s a hard call to make. You could experiment with talking about it to someone first. That seems harder than writing about it, but I actually think it could be easier as long as you were talking to someone you trusted not to tell anyone else; I know when I write things I’m afraid someone will find something I wrote that wasn’t appropriate for them to read. And if it is something you are going to write and share with more than those you are closest too, it probably makes sense to talk to those you are closest to about it first. I think that’s the natural order of things, plus they may have insight or perspective that can help you process a little more before you write or decide if/when you should write about it at all. Of course, if you need or want me to be one of those people, I’m here for you. I almost called you a couple times this week. Let’s talk next!

    Comment by v. blanchard — May 19, 2012 @ 12:12 am

  2. As always, your posts linger in my head as I’m driving on the freeway. I thought about some things in my past that have been covered and hidden except for my very infrequent mentions. And as I thought about sharing them, I realized that it could be healing for me, but not just because of the feeling that my burden is lifted because it’s been shared. I think it is healing also because it’s like, now by knowing this about me, you know me a little bit better and I know you better because I know you still love me despite having to share my burden.
    Whatever you decide to do, I am cheering you on. Like Victoria, call me anytime.

    Comment by kei02003 — May 19, 2012 @ 4:18 pm

  3. Thanks, Victoria and Emily. Both of your comments gave me a lot of food for thought. Em, you got me thinking about what is the root of not wanting to share. Do I think people will love me less? I have this healthy, sometimes too-healthy ego, so I guess I never consciously thought about it like that. But maybe… And Victoria, I think you’re right about a logical way to proceed…working on that plan.

    Comment by llcall — May 21, 2012 @ 7:30 pm


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